Will a narcissist call the partner a narcissist?

Will a narcissist call the partner a narcissist?

Quick answer: Yes.

Being called a narcissist can be silencing and shaming, especially when you are trying to express hurt, set boundaries, or ask for accountability. 

You might find yourself replaying conversations, questioning your intentions, or wondering whether there’s something wrong with you. And if you’re asking this question, you’re likely not trying to diagnose or assign blame. You’re trying to understand what’s happening in your relationship and regain a sense of clarity.

So, will a narcissist call their partner a narcissist?

This article explores why that accusation happens, what it can mean emotionally, and how to respond in a way that protects your well-being.

One reason a person may call their partner a narcissist is a psychological process known as projection.

Projection happens when emotions, traits, or behaviors that are too painful or threatening to acknowledge internally are unconsciously attributed to someone else. It functions as a form of emotional self-protection.

In narcissistic relationships, this shows up as accusations that the partner is selfish, manipulative, lacking empathy, or “making everything about themselves”. These are qualities the narcissists cannot tolerate or acknowledge in their behavior.

Also, when they get exposed, challenged, or criticized, shifting attention outward eases their internal discomfort. And casting the partner as “the problem” helps preserve their self-image while deflecting responsibility.

For you, as the partner on the receiving end, this can be alarming. If you’re empathetic and self-reflective, it’s natural to question yourself when these accusations arise, even though the traits the narcissist points out are their own.

So, it’s important to remember: 

Being targeted by projection doesn’t mean you are the problem. Also, understanding this dynamic doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it can help you see that the accusations say more about them than about you.

Moments of conflict or emotional strain trigger these kinds of accusations in narcissistic relationships. For example:

• When you express hurt, disappointment, or unmet needs
  
• When you set a boundary or say “no.”
  
• When you ask for accountability or acknowledgment of harm
  
• When you stop accommodating or minimizing yourself

In these moments, the narcissist may experience your words not as communication but as a threat. 

So, accusing you of being narcissistic can become a way to regain emotional control, reduce inner discomfort, or shift the focus away from their behavior.

Over time, this pattern can leave you feeling as though your feelings are always “too much,” “selfish,” or “wrong.”

There is a strong pull to determine “who is right” or “who is the narcissist.” That impulse is understandable, especially when you’re hurt or confused. But focusing there can sometimes keep you stuck rather than supported.

So, if your partner labels you a narcissist, it’s important to slow down and prioritize your sense of safety and clarity. You don’t need to understand or resolve everything all at once.

Before defending yourself or trying to prove anything, pause and reconnect with your body and emotions. Notice what arises when these accusations are made (tightness, fear, sadness, anger, or even numbness). These reactions are information. During these moment, try:

• Taking a few slow breaths
  
• Placing your feet on the floor
  
• Reminding yourself: “I am allowed to have feelings and needs.”

Repeated invalidation can slowly erode trust in your perceptions, so intentionally reconnecting with your inner experience is an act of self-protection. Also, journaling about interactions, writing down what you expressed and how it was received, or simply checking in with yourself afterward can help restore clarity. Your emotions do not need external validation to be real or meaningful.

Finally, seeking perspective from someone emotionally safe can be a nurturing experience. A trauma-informed therapist, a trusted friend, or a supportive community can help you reality-check without minimizing your experience. This helps you stay oriented in your truth.

Being called a narcissist does not define you. It does not erase your empathy, your intentions, or your lived experience.

If this question has brought you here, it reflects a desire for understanding, clarity, and healing. You deserve relationships where your emotions are taken seriously, your boundaries are respected, and your sense of self is not under threat.

Treat yourself with care. Seek support from people you trust. Remember that clarity comes not from labels, but from attentive, compassionate listening to your experience.

Also read: Story Time: Can a Narcissist Change?