8 Covert Types of Flying Monkeys Narcissist Recruit

The narcissist rarely works alone. Behind the scenes, and right in front of you, they recruit an army of ignorant (and sometimes willing) helpers. 

These are the flying monkeys narcissist enlists to do their work for them. They could be friends, family members, coworkers, or even strangers who unknowingly, or knowingly, carry out the narcissist’s dirty work.

So how do you recognize these flying monkeys? And more importantly, how do you stop them from controlling your life?

Below, we break down the 8 most common types of flying monkeys narcissist recruits, along with key signs to spot them before they do more damage.

The term “flying monkeys” comes from The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch sends winged monkeys to do her bidding. 

In the context of narcissistic abuse, it’s a metaphor for people who act on behalf of a narcissist to enable, support, or defend the narcissist’s behavior.

Flying monkeys may or may not realize they are being manipulated. Not all of them are bad people, and many believe they are helping because they are also under the narcissist’s influence. 

However, knowingly or not, they serve as secondary agents of abuse. Here’s how the flying monkeys narcissist uses help the narcissist:

• Avoid direct confrontation
• Maintain a positive public image
• Isolate or weaken the target (victim)
• Keep emotional leverage without being held accountable

This way, flying monkeys extend the narcissist’s control and make it harder for the victim to escape or heal.

The flying monkeys narcissist recruits can take different forms, but they all serve to support the narcissist’s agenda in some way.

Below are 8 types based on purpose and how to recognize them.

The enabler’s primary job is to maintain the status quo and shield the narcissist from accountability. They accomplish this through a range of behaviors, including:

• Minimizing abuse: (“They didn’t mean it,” “You’re too sensitive,” “That’s just how they are.”)
• Making excuses: (“They’ve had a hard life,” “They’re just stressed at work.”)
• Smoothing things over: Apologizing for the narcissist, cleaning up their messes, and pressuring the victim to forgive and forget.
• Providing resources: Giving the narcissist money, shelter, or emotional support even after blatant mistreatment.
• Gaslighting on behalf of the narcissist: Telling the victim “That never happened” or “You’re remembering it wrong.”

These enablers could be codependent partners, conflict-avoidant parents, or self-preserving friends who fear abandonment above all else.

The believer is convinced that the narcissist is the real victim. They have fully bought into the narcissist’s curated story, usually that the narcissist is kind, generous, and deeply wronged by you.

Believers:

• Refuse to hear your side of the story
• Quote the narcissist’s version of events as absolute truth
• Express pity for the narcissist while showing you coldness or contempt
• Say things like, “I know them, and they would never do that.”

These flying monkeys could be new friends, extended family members, or colleagues who haven’t seen the narcissist’s dark side. Their loyalty is rooted in naivety and emotional manipulation.

The rescuer positions themselves as a mediator or helper, but always in a way that serves the narcissist. They may approach you with pretended concern, saying things like:

• “Let me help you two fix this.”
• “If you just apologized, everything would go back to normal.”
• “I’m worried about you, but I’m also worried about them.”

In reality, the rescuer gathers evidence, softens your defenses, and leads you back toward the narcissist. They thrive on feeling needed and important. Once you refuse their “help,” they could turn into a bully or a gossip carrier.

The spy quietly collects information about you and reports back to the narcissist. They may pose as a friend, a concerned mutual contact, or someone who just “wants to stay neutral.”

Signs of a spy:

• They ask specific questions about your life, feelings, or plans
• After talking to them, the narcissist suddenly knows private details
• They downplay or deny sharing anything, even when confronted
• They report your reactions back (“She got really upset when I mentioned your name”)

Spies are dangerous because they make you think you are safe while systematically violating your privacy and trust.

The gossip carrier spreads the narcissist’s narrative behind the scenes. They distribute rumors, half-truths, and outright lies to damage your reputation and rally others against you. 

They might:

• Tell others you’re unstable, jealous, or vindictive
• Leak private conversations or texts out of context
• Claim you “said things” you never said
• Paint you as the abuser and the narcissist as the victim

Their goal is social isolation. Once your support system believes you’re the problem, the narcissist’s control becomes absolute.

The bully is aggressive, confrontational, and openly hostile. They don’t hide their loyalty to the narcissist. They may:

• Send threatening messages or public shaming posts
• Confront you in person with rage or intimidation
• Harass you on behalf of the narcissist without being asked
• Use fear to make you comply or stay silent

Attack dogs are usually narcissistic themselves, or they are loyal people who have been weaponized. They take pride in “protecting” the narcissist and see you as the enemy.

The triangulator brings a third person into the relationship to create jealousy, competition, or confusion. Classic triangulation moves include:

• Telling you about the “wonderful new friend” who understands the narcissist better than you ever did
• Comparing you unfavorably to someone else
• Pitting two people against each other while playing the victim to both
• Using a new partner, ex, or family member to make you feel replaceable

Triangulation keeps you off-balance, desperate for approval, and focused on winning back the narcissist’s favor instead of escaping the abuse.

The replacement is the person who takes your “spot” once you’ve been discarded or have gone no-contact. They may not even know they are being used as a flying monkey at first.

The narcissist initiates the replacement by:

• Idealizing them while villainizing you
• Feeding them stories of how you “abandoned” or “betrayed” them
• Encouraging them to reach out to you on the narcissist’s behalf
• Using the replacement as living proof that you were the problem (“See? Someone else treats me well.”)

The replacement becomes the next victim. But while you are still in the picture, they serve as a weapon, a living, breathing message that you are disposable.

If someone consistently defends your abuser, invalidates your pain, or feeds information back to the narcissist, they are part of the system of abuse. And you don’t owe them endless chances, explanations, or access to your life.

Whether they’re enabling, spying, or attacking, all flying monkeys narcissist recruits serve the same function: protecting the narcissist and destabilizing the victim.

So, protect yourself by:

• Limiting or cutting contact with known flying monkeys
• Refusing to explain or justify your experience repeatedly
• Building a support system outside the narcissist’s reach
• Trusting your gut when someone feels unsafe, even if you can’t prove why

Don’t try to convince every flying monkey that they are wrong. Just leave.